Friday, 9 September 2016

Book Review: The Colors of my Darkness: My Battle with Bipolar Disorder Through Poetry. By Aleisha Williams

In this book of deeply personal poetry about her struggles with Bipolar Disorder, Ms Williams is bravely tackling a subject that is often Taboo and her poems are visceral and raw and yet infinitely relatable.

They are perhaps a little more free form than the poetry I am used to, but there is no denying their emotional impact. Just reading them will gives the tiniest viewpoint into a illness that often  leaves a sufferer stigmatised  both socially and within their own minds as they juggle the expectations of society for people to "pull themselves together"  or to rely on faith  to get better without actually any understanding of what it feels from the inside. The poems resonate long after the page has turned.

This poetry is not easy and perhaps not laden with symbolism, it is much more direct but it is honest and strong in it's full  uncompromising expose of the illness.

I strongly reccomend anyone interested in Bi-polar and it's far reaching impact to read this book for the clarity of Ms William's own personal journey.

Hidden In My Eyes

Can you see anything when you look at my face?
Anything besides the emotions I want you to see
Deeper lies the truth, but can you see it?
See the turmoil within the brick walls
Sledge hammers and pick axes are needed to tear down these barriers
How can I move forward with such anguish inside?
Such intense conflict to keep away feelings of loneliness and being a burden
Hidden in my eyes lie the truth, but can you see it?
Tortured days & nights I hide within a smiling face
Never wanting the facade to end
Never wanting to become vulnerable to reality's evilness
Confusion and unwillingness makes me question the motives others have
Am I being helped because they truly care or do they have other agendas?
My own insecurities make these questions
Can you see it in my eyes? I'm not sure
Crying tears of longing for someone to notice or question my falsities
I'm sure you can't see it because I'm good at hiding these things
Friends can't see it
Some therapists can't see it
I can't be sure of my surroundings all the time so the facade never fades
Hidden in my eyes is deep hatred for this vessel given unto me
Hidden in my eyes are deep puncture wounds
Suffering seems to never end and it's hidden in my eyes
Can you see it?
Questions of death are pending, ideations float freely, but can you see it?
It's hidden in my eyes
Prayer is such a difficult task when words of doom, demise and weakness are prolonged through medicated gazes
Can you see it in my eyes? It's hidden there.

I am sure you can agree this is uncompromising stuff.

Available on CreateSpace and via Amazon Kindle and paperback.

1 comment: